As many of you know Betsy and I are expecting our first child in May. I am sooooo excited about being a father! I love it when people share with me how “this is gonna change your life” or “you’ll never be the same” or “you will wonder how you could ever love someone so much.” I know they’re right and I can’t wait.
One of the first question people ask us after they find out we’re pregnant is “do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?” When we tell them we’ve decided not find out we always get mixed reactions. Some are so grateful we don’t want to know but others are disappointed or confused at why we wouldn’t. Others are down right angry; it’s kind of alarming.
With that in mind I thought I would try and explain our decision because I think it has much bigger implications for our lives as a whole. Let me say first I don’t think there is anything wrong with finding out the sex of your child before it’ s born. That is for each couple to decide. For us we felt it was important not to find out the gender because we don’t want to buy into the illusion of control.
Let me explain, one of the primary reasons people want to know the sex of their child is so they can buy gender specific clothes, toys, etc. They want to know if the nursery bedding should be pink or blue, should it be bunny rabbits or trains. All of this is done in the name of being “properly prepared.” If there is anything I know it’s that you can never be properly prepared for children. There will always be something else: more diapers, formula, snacks, patience, mercy and kindness, etc.
While we are called to do our best to prepare as stewards of this new life it is sin for us to use the busyness of preparation to medicate our fears of inadequacy. Finding out the sex of the child only allows us to feed our fears by removing some of the variables thereby giving us the illusion of control, removing the need for faith. We will never be in control. It’s important that we swallow that pill early on in our relationship with this child. The responsibility of control is reserved for Christ alone. Only He can truly prepare our hearts and homes for this new child and only He can calm our deepest fears. For Betsy and I it’s more important to forego knowing if it’s a boy or a girl in exchange for an increased dependency in Christ.
As a mom of four I can speak with some experience about being “properly prepared” for your new baby. You will need the following:
- A car seat
- Seasonally appropriate clothing (Color to be determined)
- Diapers/Wipes (Lots and lots of diapers)
- Crib/Bedding
- Pacifiers
- Your camera, take LOTS of pictures
- A comfy spot for mom to nurse the baby (Bottles if your not nursing)
- Not minding your sleep being interrupted
All the other stuff is just icing on your new baby cake. I think it best to not get caught up in having a lot of unnecessary stuff.
Relax. Each milestone will come in it’s own time. I think some of the best parenting advice I got was: “Raise your children so that other people will actually like them.” – My Mom
God Bless!
Jennifer Cunningham
Just enjoy your sleep.The gender specific stuff doesn’t really come into play until 9 months or more, when a boy gets obsessed with anything on wheels and a girl with anything she can nurture. No one has to tell them to do these things. It just happens. In the meantime, get sleep, do everything in your house you want done for the next year or two, and oh did I mention get some sleep.
I can’t wait to see him or her. And, maybe a few friends willing to bring you dinner. Really in those early months, it comes down to food and sleep. 
You will always have people giving you “advice” in your travels of life. I have learned to listen and nod my head. Some was sound andvice and some was just plain hilarious! Knowing the sex of your baby doesn’t make you anymore prepared as a parent. By the time your child reaches “at least” age 2, he/she will not want the cute pink bunnies or the blue trucks that are plastered all over their walls and stuff. Go neutral! By the time Addi was 2, she knew what she wanted and did not want. People would laugh at me when I would hold a dress or something up and ask, “Addi, will you wear this?”. They would say things like she’s too little, she shouldn’t care. Let me tell you…..they know! Other things that people would “volunteer” their opinions to me were natural childbirth and other medical “interference” during the birth. I can speak from experience! With my 1st angel, who is now 16, I had an epidural. It was great! She was born sick and had to be rushed to Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital. So by now you can guess I am all for any medical “interferences” they may need to occur. God gave these great Drs. the wisdom to save our babies! My 2nd angel, who is now 13, was born with no meds! Not on purpose mind you! It was actually an equally amazing birth as with the meds! My 3rd angel, who is now an awesome Kindergartener, was the easiest and just as amazing! I knew the sex of her because of an amnio and it was quite obvious. My husband, on the other hand, did not know the sex! It was great! Let me leave you with my words of wisdom…………no matter if you know the sex ahead of time, dainty little girls in leotards and princess crowns can carry just as many frogs, jump in just as many mud puddles and play with just as many John Deere tractors as any little boy wearing a cowboy hat and barn boots and playing dress up with his sister and other girl cousings!
A few of my favorite quotes:
for my son:”trucks and dirt and shades of blue, but little boys are angels too”
for my daughters: Daddy, a daughter’s first love.
You are all so wonderful for leaving us such kind wisdom! Betsy and I are so excited about what the Lord has for us. It means the world that you would go with us on that journey!
As a young mother myself, I thank God for letting me go down the road I am on, even though I do not get very much sleep. Regardless, I love my son with all my heart. Once you have your bundle of joy you will have an unconditional love for your child. Yes, people are right when they say that you should really enjoy the nap times you get and any other kinds of rest, including massages… Having a child is a lot of work but at the end of the day when you look at your child you have nothing else to say except “thank you to God for the big blessing that you have sent me!” Personally, I don’t know what I would do without my baby boy. I can’t imagine any more what my life would be without him. And as for the father, he is so much in love with our son. Thanking Jesus everyday for my little family. Congratulations Erik! Will be praying for the pregnancy to go well for the remaining months.
I suppose my initial question is what prevented you from having kids before now? Since we’re talking about “control” and all….
Brody, it was a pill. I had several commenters via Facebook who read this post improperly. They thought I was condemning finding out and control in general. What I need to emphasize again is that I have no problem with modern technology and certainly don’t think control is wrong in and of itself is wrong. In fact self-control is a virtue listed in Galatians. (Perhaps the post is improperly titled.) What I am truly addressing here is fear and how we often use things in our power to alleviate our fears. A perfect example is food. We all eat food, furthermore it’s required for life but it often times becomes a control device, something to make us feel better, a distraction from having to deal with our circumstances. No one argue’s eating is sin but yet we’ve all seen someone who has/is using it as such. In the same way control is not sin, it’s only when we seek our control first before we seek God that it can become destructive. In this post I am speaking directly to this tendency. Thanks for bring that up, I needed to clarify that here as well.
So the pill was a means for you to control having children out of fear (not being “ready” financially or emotionally or whatever).
Hey TheArtofWhimsy, nice to meet you. Thanks for joining in the discussion. I look forward to reading through your blog and getting to know you a little bit too.
I can see how you would think that and I appreciate your saying so. (I wouldn’t want you to hold back, especially after reading your recent “butt-crack” and a cheeseburger story, Hysterical!) I can’t speak for my wife but for me it wasn’t about the fear of having children. I just never wanted to have them at all. I suppose on some level you could label that as fear but I don’t. I seriously just never wanted them. What changed? I got suckered into nursery duty at church! Again, I don’t have trouble with trying to control as a principal, it’s in relying on our own means and never having turned to the Lord first that I’m trying to point the problem exists.