As many of you know Betsy and I are expecting our first child in May. I am sooooo excited about being a father! I love it when people share with me how “this is gonna change your life” or “you’ll never be the same” or “you will wonder how you could ever love someone so much.” I know they’re right and I can’t wait.
One of the first question people ask us after they find out we’re pregnant is “do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?” When we tell them we’ve decided not find out we always get mixed reactions. Some are so grateful we don’t want to know but others are disappointed or confused at why we wouldn’t. Others are down right angry; it’s kind of alarming.
With that in mind I thought I would try and explain our decision because I think it has much bigger implications for our lives as a whole. Let me say first I don’t think there is anything wrong with finding out the sex of your child before it’ s born. That is for each couple to decide. For us we felt it was important not to find out the gender because we don’t want to buy into the illusion of control.
Let me explain, one of the primary reasons people want to know the sex of their child is so they can buy gender specific clothes, toys, etc. They want to know if the nursery bedding should be pink or blue, should it be bunny rabbits or trains. All of this is done in the name of being “properly prepared.” If there is anything I know it’s that you can never be properly prepared for children. There will always be something else: more diapers, formula, snacks, patience, mercy and kindness, etc.
While we are called to do our best to prepare as stewards of this new life it is sin for us to use the busyness of preparation to medicate our fears of inadequacy. Finding out the sex of the child only allows us to feed our fears by removing some of the variables thereby giving us the illusion of control, removing the need for faith. We will never be in control. It’s important that we swallow that pill early on in our relationship with this child. The responsibility of control is reserved for Christ alone. Only He can truly prepare our hearts and homes for this new child and only He can calm our deepest fears. For Betsy and I it’s more important to forego knowing if it’s a boy or a girl in exchange for an increased dependency in Christ.











